Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
