I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
