Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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