It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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