New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
