Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
