I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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