hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
