why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
