I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
