people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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