someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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