i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
