my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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