I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
