got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
