i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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