i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
