Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize