Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
