At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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