Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
