i just had sex bonerless
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize