So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
