I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know her cup size but not her name....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
