i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
