He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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