Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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