They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
