Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
