you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize