wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I skipped work to stalk him.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
