Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
