Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
