Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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