I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
