I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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