he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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