i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
