FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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