I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize