How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize