So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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