So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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