Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
