"it" just moved
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
