You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
