...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Screwed.edu
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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