guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Someone signed my nipple.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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