i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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