This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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