So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
