theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
we're so committed to being not committed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
