She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
