I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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