smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
