The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
