and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
