You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
