pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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