Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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