Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
