Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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