i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
