So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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