chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
