I wish I could punch you in the face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize