Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
